Ellen Fannin, Director of Special Activities (and just about everything else!) at Unity Church of the Hills, read us her recipe for a Happy New Year at yesterday's service.
I do not have the restraint to wait until this last day of 2008 to share it with you.
Earlier this month, as I was planning for a holiday meal and I came across a recipe that I would like to share with you. It is a “Recipe for a Happy New Year.”
I cannot imagine a more delicious way to prepare and serve up 2009.
Happy New Year!
Warning: after ample self-criticism, I'm going to boast about my discovery.
I was in a hurry to get to the parking lot
so I could begin my afternoon run
so I could get my dog-walking done
so I could cool off in the pool
so I could take a shower
so I could make a big salad
so I could sit and watch the sunset.
But I was behind a Big-Wheeled Pickup Truck that was moseying only 18 mph in a 35 zone. From about two feet behind his tailgate, I could not see any reason the young man was driving so slow. He was young but not a new driver. He was not on his cell phone. He did not even seem to be talking to his passenger buddy. He was just creeping along a not-busy street.
As he approached his turn, he slowed down even more, almost to a standstill. I was almost to the parking lot. It was just the other side of his intended turn.
I gave in to my impatience. I hit my horn. No gentle beep, I gave him three strident honks. He looked in his rear view mirror and the cock of his head told me he was not happy at my honks.
He turned right. I pulled into the parking lot on the left. I checked my rear view mirror and saw his brake lights as he started his U turn. I stayed in my car. An exchange of words was in the making.
His big truck pulls up beside my car. We push-button our windows down.
He asked why I honked.
I told him.
He told me what I to do.
I told him I preferred to run right now, thank you.
He pulled away. He yelled over his shoulder, "Slow down, old bastard."
That was a twofer insult: old and bastard!
I got out of my car, stretched a bit, and began to run. I concentrated on relaxing. I tried to forgive him his temper, his words, his need to confront.
But my mind worked against forgiving. My thoughts stayed on his need to turn around, to insult me, to show he wasn't afraid of me. My feet struck the pavement harder than usual.
Over all that I heard my heart remind me of the dozen times I've read or been told or seen that forgiveness has to start with me. Before I can effectively forgive anyone else, I must first forgive myself.
That shortened my stride and slowed my pace. I began to say aloud the prayer, "I forgive myself my past mistakes and present shortcomings..."
I quickly added, "And right now, God, I forgive myself my own impatience. I let go of my feeling superior and being sarcastic as I spoke to the other driver. I release these to You, God, with my thanks."
At once, it was easy to forgive that other driver. The simple acts I'd held against him were suddenly just that: simple. So simple I felt them drift away from me.
My second twofer: two forgivenesses that made the whole much stronger.
I noticed I was running smoothly again. My pace was faster, my stride was longer than it had been before.
Twofer number three!
The 6 year old boy walked with rapid, purposeful strides alongside the swimming pool. He turned his head over his shoulder and delivered rapidfire monologue to someone out of sight. "I'll get it fast and bring it back..."
The 70something gentleman approached in the opposite direction. His stride was measured, steady and
cautious. He saw the boy approach. The boy walked, talked, and continued to gaze away from his path.
The gentleman's eyes measured the distance. His mind calculated time til impact and how soon he should speak up.
His lips rose in a playful grin. He so clearly enjoyed the collage: a present reminder of past youth, the creative tension of the wait, his balancing "Shall I warn him now?" and "Shall I let us bump?"
The gentleman let his breath out slowly. The boy shouted, "...if I find it. I'll bring it back if I find it. If I can't find it..."
Gentleman lifted his hands slightly, just a foot's distance before he would gingerly fend off the boy.
The braking power only a 6 year old could demonstrate. Head spun. Bare feet clasped the pavement. The boy moved lithely to his right, around the man. Never missed a step. "...I won't bring it back and you'll just have to...."
The gentle man slowly shook his head, seemed to say, "Good boy. Life offers plenty of bigger obstacles."
I release my past and
embrace my infinite potential.
This morning’s meditation revolved
around the above affirmation. I felt I’d just begun meditating when I had already reached
the 108th mala bead. And it was easy staying
mindful of that affirmation.
I
release my past and embrace my infinite potential.
That deals directly with forgiveness. To forgive is to release. Forgiveness releases you from emotions that keep you down. It releases someone or something from the blame you’ve laid on them that caused those emotions. It releases the emotions themselves, lets them go, and so frees you.
I
release my past and embrace my infinite potential.
I so appreciate and continually learn from these 4 steps to forgiveness. (I got them, b/t/w, from The Keys to the Kingdom (See David Owen Ritz in the Links List.)
Discover the actual emotions, not
just the feeling of blaming someone (most likely anger) for making you feel bad.
That means uncovering deeper emotions. That means distinguishing cause from blame.
Cause is our reaction catalyst. Something, someone, some words, some situation triggers an emotional response. That emotion probably stems from a primitive instinct like fear or protection.
Blame is our emotional response container, the can into which we pour those emotions. We seek to find something (or someone!) outside ourselves to pin the emotions on, so we can say, “It’s your fault. You’re making me feel this way.”
It pays back more if we know what is the cause than if we settle for whom/what we blame.
DECISION
Decide that you are willing to let
go of the emotional feelings. Then decide which specific feelings you will let
go. It may be worth your time/energy to do some visioning, projecting,
in-sensing how it will feel to be
without those emotions, to be free of anger or resentment or regret or guilt
or....
By coming clear on the good feelings benefits, you can more easily decide on action items. (Letting go IS an action, remember.) Action items may include simply thinking, I release. I forgive. They can include journaling, letter-writing, spoken or written dialogue, prayer, meditation, tranquil walking. (I’m happy to send you my thoughts, ideas about any of those actions. Just e-mail me...or put your request in a comment, below.)
LETTING GO
Let of the emotions you no longer want. Some may believe there should be proportion between
degree of emotion and amount of time/energy letting them go. I/O/W, a big,
full-scale, whole-hearted emotion requires more conscious, effortful letting go
than does a minor blip on your emotional radar screen. I’m not sure I agree
with that.
Discover the emotions. Decide to let go. Determine an action. For example, in your journal write out what your specific Discover-Decide-Let Go-Move On steps include. Construct a dialogue with your who/what is behind the emotions. (Remember, you CAN dialogue with objects and situations as well as with people.) Take a walk and with every step release some bit of the emotions.
Whatever action you select, once you’ve begun, you’ll know how much time/energy you’ll need to experience the release.
MOVING ON
The ultimate bounty from forgiving
is experiencing the better place it
takes you to emotionally. Better is a comparative word. Moving on involves
comparing how much better you and your here
& now feel than they did previously. Please keep in mind it is possible
to distinguish now’s good feelings from then’s bad feelings without re-feeling
them!
Moving on allows--no, encourages--you to begin feeling the increased lightness of being and to project into the days ahead, the future without the emotions. Do not misunderstand: I am not advocating that you live in or even for the future. (The present is a wonderful place and time.)
But the prospects of what will come to you to replace those emotions can be very exciting. And the prospects are real. The Law of Circulation sees to that. The Universe will fill the space you have emptied, and you have the power to see the space filled with positive, powerful, affirmative emotions. That can be the real beauty of moving on.
Discover. Decide. Let Go. Move On.
Understand all the while how that translates to...
I
release my past and embrace my infinite potential.
